There is a lot of discussion lately about narcissism. If we lose our sense of self-worth during these challenges of life, we will have a hard time recovering. But when you evaluate narcissism and the associated behaviors, what surfaces as the opposite and often lacking ingredient is self-compassion.
People who lack self-compassion often exhibit a pattern of unhealthy relationships, habits, and thoughts. As author Anis Qizilbash puts it, “How you treat yourself reflects how you let others treat you.” Why are we so hard on ourselves? Perhaps, we try to live up to impossible standards. These false benchmarks are a by-product from society, from our peers, or from our family.
Research has consistently shown a positive correlation between self-compassion and a healthy well-being. People who have self-compassion have greater social connectedness, emotional intelligence, happiness, and overall life satisfaction. Self-compassion has also been shown to correlate with less anxiety, depression, shame, and fear of failure. Where to start?
- Give yourself permission to fail in order to learn.
- Remember you are not alone in figuring out your purpose (whether it’s personal or professional – or both).
- Treat yourself gently; nothing should be forced internally.
- Surround yourself with others that lift you up; not down.
Mindfulness research highlights that self-compassion is the hidden love that is a source of healing, enlightenment, and understanding. When we dig deep to understand our own complex patterns and rip apart at all the layers of negative self-chatter, guilt, resentment, fear, etc., we finally arrive at self-compassion. The notion of self-compassion is warmth and unconditional acceptance rather than harshly judging oneself for personal shortcomings.When we start living with self-compassion, we stop depending on others to validate our self-worth.
Source: Barnard, L. & Curry, J.F. (2011). Self-Compassion: Conceptualizations, Correlates, & Interventions. Review of General Psychology, Vol. 15, No. 4, 289–303
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